Life in a state of confusion

I am not the only person who goes through this, yet I am alone in what I go through. The pre-determined events give us a purpose. But what after you have lived through it and do not wish to continue any more. What if you think you are done? Am I too old to get out of this loop, or am I too young to quit this? We know few things have lived its life but why can’t we say it loud? Why is it that whatever we do or think of doing has to be evaluated as right or wrong, good or bad, why can’t it be left without judgement?

Why every step we take has to be thought through? Why can’t few things be left the way they are, a thought, an impulse, a let out? Is it not enough to know that someone is just OK doing what they did? The frustration builds up and the feeling is suffocating. This is not something one can share, it is impossible to explain. But then, you want to. You want someone to listen with the hope that may be you’ll finally meet someone who understands that it is possible to not be happy despite everything being perfect in life. That having found the one, doesn’t guarantee a happily ever after. Some stories, some souls look for something unknown for their gratification and that sometimes it takes time to figure this out. That it is OK to be lost.

Winters

 

“Melancholy were the sounds on a winter’s night.”
Virginia Woolf, Jacob’s Room

Sky High

A new Delhi everyday..!!

Brown Headed Barbet

God lightens even the tiniest

The Hazy Shades

All cities are mad:  but the madness is gallant.  All cities are beautiful:  but the beauty is grim. 

Christopher Morley, Where the Blue Begins

The Mystic City-Udaipur

My Friend Arkahna..!!

In this lifetime atleast.

He just came near my bay. I should not say ‘my’ because we consultants don’t actually own permanent seats in the office. Its like grab whatever place you get. So, back to the point, he came to me. Just to give me back my data card. I took it back. He told me few general stuffs about the hassles HRs were creating. And as the talk got over he turned to go.

And that was the moment something struck. I dint wanted him to go . I wanted him to stay just a few moments more. I felt silly, but that’s exactly how I felt.  And these are the moments when I realize, that no, I can’t get bored with him.

I realize that this is the man, I have been fighting with, and fighting for at the same time for at least past 2 years.

Sometimes I do wonder that will I be able to keep my patience with some irritating habits he has like imitating WWE  actions. (He is 26 and still practices the dumb WWE stunts with our ‘one and only most beloved friend’, Aman ).

The answer generally I get is no.

But the truth is good or bad, pleasing or irritating, I can’t get enough of him ever, in filmy ishtyl but seriously, I can’t get enough of him in this lifetime at least.